Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A Love Letter {and a spoonful of honesty}

Dearest Madeline,

I'd imagine it's hard being a guinea pig. A guinea pig to a very young momma just barely out of high school. Fortunately even though I didn't have a clue neither did you. It was suggested to me to put you up for adoption or to even abort you, but what a more than incredible blessing I would have missed out on. I had big (different) plans for my life, but God had better plans for me in you. Because of you I'm blessed with a husband that means more to me than words, a job that I love, and three sweet precious baby girls. For it was because of you that your daddy and I stayed together, grew up (quickly) together, and formed an incredible relationship through the trials of teen parenting. It was because of you that I decided to go into nursing instead of interior design. This was after a less then stellar experience at the health department the day I found out I was pregnant with you. And oh how I love nursing! For it was because of you that your daddy and I stayed together that we were blessed with two more beautiful girls. You have no idea what a blessing it will be to watch your two sisters look up to you and you teach them endlessly. You're such a little momma. I couldn't ask for a better big sister for Brynn and Eden.
I can't even begin to describe the emotion swelling in me while I share these thoughts. My mind goes in a hundred different directions thinking about how you've positively impacted my life. So many people would comment to me and say how amazing they thought I was for dropping you off at six days old to start my first day of college and finishing my BSN in four years. I couldn't do any of that without God, your daddy, and our family. We are blessed beyond measure sweet girl.
When you were a baby, I won't lie, I got very frustrated with not being able to be an average 18 year old (not that I would have been if I didn't have you). I learned so much about who I was, and who I wanted to be. In other words, by you I was humbled, inspired, and schooled in life. Your continuous thoughtfulness for others has never ceased to amaze me, and has made me strive to be like you in this way. Please don't ever lose this beautiful trait. Your ability to let things go and roll off your back blows me away, I try my best to mimic this but I'm not exactly successful. This can be to your advantage as you grow older for sure. Your patience with me, and others is appreciated more than you know. How do you do it?
Madeline, I pray all these and many more of your wonderful attributes are kept for a lifetime.
Madeline I pray you continue to learn more about and love our God everyday. God's mighty plan in you doesn't end in how you affected my life and so many others around us already.
Your prayers from the time you could pray on your own have always been those of deep thought and adoration for the wonderful God we serve, don't change this. Sometimes you'll feel like you're far away from God, but I will remind you he's ALWAYS there and ALWAYS loves you. What a mighty God we serve.
As you grow older you will face many challenges and heart aches. Your heart will be broken by a boy and probably more than once, keep your head up. If he felt you weren't special enough then it's by far his loss. You'll experience betrayal, I know it hurts. You'll be tempted, stand strong. You'll make wrong decisions, learn from them. You'll have failures, try again. Always do what you know is right, and stand up for what you believe in. Be who you want to be, and do what you want to do. Don't let anyone stop you, even though that might be me. Always respect those around you. You never know what somebody might be going through, and just exactly why they do what they do. For some reason I feel these are things I probably don't need to tell you, but as your momma I'll probably do this a lot. I have high expectations for you, but don't ever be afraid if you let me down or feel as if you've disappointed me. I know my mom felt that way the day I shared the news of your soon arrival, but like any good mother would she loved me anyway. I'll love you anyway. No matter what!
Your daddy loves you very much. You butt heads like brother and sister, and I believe it's because you're so much alike. You're his first princess. He's got a lot to learn about raising little girls, but he'll figure it out. He had a full ride available to play football in college, but wouldn't in a million years leave me with you to do so. You might say football is his first love, but deep down inside it's ALL his girls.
Sometimes I don't quite understand you. You enjoy being different and could care less what other people think. You can't stand to be laughed at even when you're being funny. In fact, nearly everything you say is hilarious, so I try to hide my bursting laughter inside. You don't have a competitive bone in your body, nor care a lick about sports. Right now you're a typical nine year old that is probably far less annoying than I was at your age, but you definitely rattle my nerves. Again, I appreciate your patience as you're my guinea pig for parenting. I am learning to let you be who you are, enjoy your childhood, and live carefree.
One day I pray you're blessed with an incredible God fearing husband. Don't you dare settle for anything less. With marriages failing at an alarming rate these days I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt it's because God wasn't the center of it. Being a child of a divorced home there's nothing more heart breaking, and I never ever ever ever want you to experience this. Your daddy is kind, patient (thank the Lord), and would do anything for me. I won't allow you to marry anyone less than that.
Dearest baby girl I want you to know how proud I am of you, and how much I love you! I don't say it as often as I should I'm sure, but it's true. Some might say this is a letter of what I and your daddy missed out on because of you, but I hope you feel it's quite the opposite. This is a letter of what you saved us from, and how fortunate I was for making a perfect mistake with blessings beyond measure. One day I'll share this letter with you, but I hope it won't take this letter for you to know how much you are loved.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Brynnsday Wednesday: Just not going to take no for an answer...

While the title pretty much sums up Brynn, the story is pretty funny so I'll proceed. Saturday night I discovered (this is SO my mom) that I forgot to give Madeline one of her presents for Christmas. I went to the garage to get it off the top of the shelf and brought it in and placed it on the floor. Well Brynn immediately decided she liked that new toy pretty well. She gathered her things took a seat, and positively refused for Madeline to try it out. I finally had to remove her from it, to which she screamed and cried. As Madeline sat in "her" (not sure which one is her at this point) chair Brynn did her best to push her out!!


Oh my are we in for it...


Sunday, January 30, 2011

Grandpa

This man loved me like a daughter, not a grand daughter. This man stepped up for me.
This man was determined to do right. This man worked hard for what he had. This man is funny. This man believes in the Lord. This man seemed to only fear the Lord, and nothing else. I feared this man. This man didn't put up with wrong. This man had a fist made of iron with feathers on the inside. This man has compassion. This man is humble.
This man is determined. This man kept his chin up. This man kept on.
This man is a leader. This man means very much to me.
This man has a mind eaten with disease,
but this man isn't finished.Each wrinkle has a story. A story filled with love, hard work, and maybe even a tear.

Madeline Monday: Stoney's

On our way to pick up Brynn this past week we passed Stoney's A Family Restaurant (it says on the sign).

As we passed Stoney's Madeline asked me, "Is Stoney's a family restaurant?"

To which I replied, "I guess."

Madeline responded, "I don't think it is because you can only fit like 10 people in there."

Oh Madeline...


Saturday, January 22, 2011

I've come to realize...

I've come to realize my blog...

is never going to be much to look at or read, but it gets my wheels turning, and my wheels tend to squeak!

I've come to realize that when I'm driving...

I'm one of the few on the road who knows what she's doing. Even if I am swaying my head and singing at the top of my lungs! P.S. Please stay out of the left lane if you're not going to pass or drive about 10 miles over the speed limit. Your driver's ed book clearly states, the left lane is for passing only...not joy riding!

I've come to realize that I need...

to humble myself regularly.

I've come to realize my heart...

is stronger than I thought.

I've come to realize that I hate...

hatred because it usually follows ignorance.

I've come to realize that money...

while I love spending it, truly is the root of all evil. Money will never fill the sweet spots of my heart that my family, and friends fill so beautifully.

I've come to realize that my job...

is important to always be something I love to do. No matter how much money you make it's not worth it if you're miserable. Sometimes we make ourselves miserable, and that just means an attitude adjustment is in order. My career in nursing has blessed me tremendously so far. Whether it be that I was able to be a blessing to someone, or that I learned something valuable from someone.

I've come to realize that my body...

is a testy little booger! I've come to respect it, and by that I mean I take care of it. Skinny has never been described about my body, and I've come to terms with that.

I've come to realize that I really want to win...

about 50K dollars...that's all. I mean I'd take more, but that's all I need.

I've come to realize that this weekend...

may not go according to my plan, and I'm okay with that.

I've come to realize that I need...

my God. I am so weak without him. On a Earthly level I need the kisses from my children (or the cheek Brynn lends me to kiss), the "I love you's" from my husband, the quiet days for renewal, and coffee.

I've come to realize that I've lost...

my need to please certain people. I was once so burdened with this, and it was quite refreshing to let that go.


I've come to realize that certain people...

will never change so I don't expect them to, are hard to be around so I avoid them, annoy me so I ignore them, and hate me so I hate them. Just kidding I was just checking to see if you were paying attention. I get terribly upset when people dislike me, but I'm trying to learn that not everyone will like me.


I've come to realize that in the kitchen...

I should not be.

I've come to realize that I like...

a nice car, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I've come to realize that I'm addicted to...

my camera. All I want to do is take pictures, I feel like everything looks beautiful on the other end of the lens.

I've come to realize that I will always remember...

the day my dad left. I was five years old, but I remember every detail.


I've come to realize that my siblings...

are for better or for worse. And that's typically for my better or worse. My brother and sister mean more to me than they probably know. It's an incredible feeling to know that no matter what they will ALWAYS be there for me. When I realized this, is when I realized Madeline needed/deserved a sibling.


I've come to realize that life...

is going to happen whether I want it to or not. I feel like days are just flying by me now. I know my friends will chuckle when they read: I'm afraid of my 30's!!

I've come to realize the best music to listen to when I'm upset...

is the music I can't stand but to sing to. If I'm singing I'm happy. My mind, body, and soul has no choice.


I've come to realize that my friends...

will come and go, but the precious few will hold on. I desire to be the best friend I possibly can be.

I've come to realize that this year...

so far is better than the last. I can just feel it. Although we started it out with Brynn in the hospital, there's just something about it that feels promising.


I've come to realize that my husband...

is who he is. That 's what I love about him. He'll change for no one, put on for no one, and do whatever he can for anyone. He's my best friend. Anyone who can put up with me is positively amazing.

I've come to realize that maybe I should...

go back to school. I'm not one to let things defeat me. FNP school...here I come!

I've come to realize that I really don't understand...

alot! I really could go on and on here. I don't understand why people smoke in cars with their children. Why people say they're Baptist, but they're Liberal. Why bad things happen to good people. Why my husband can't get a job. Why people decide drugs or suicide is the option. Why some people think a "fetus" with a heartbeat isn't a child. Why....well I'm going to stop.

I've come to realize that my past...

is bittersweet. I feel like of all the "bad" things have good linked to them in some way. Even though it was years down the road before I could view good in them, I'm glad it all happened to me and made me me.

I've come to realized that my life...

is.....well I'm not going to say perfect, but it's darn near close.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Top 10 of 2010

While spending time with a friend as our children enjoyed the "big snow of 2011" I was perusing her Christmas cards; and found one in particular that I really enjoyed. It was entitled "Top 10 of 2010". This of course started the wheels in my head...what are my top 10? Well here they are in no particular order.

1. Madeline joins the swim team and makes this once upon a time swimmer proud.


2. While Brynn did many new things this year my favorite is how she leans her cheek in to get a kiss when you ask her for a kiss. It warms me right up!

3. I started a small business of sewing items for babies and children. Everyone needs some extra cash right??


4. Brynn started going to day care at Mrs. Donna's house and did very well.



5. Madeline becomes obsessed with reading.

6. Madeline learns the vital chore of folding clothes. She didn't however do so well with the chore of putting them away...

7. I tought myself how to almost completely use my DSLR camera, manual mode baby! I've always been a little photo crazy, but now I'm really photo crazy.


8. We ripped up every last bit of carpet (except our closet) and put down beautiful maple hardwood floors. I couldn't be happier with them.

9. I passed TNCC (Trauma Nurse Core Course), and I was proud!

10. Last, but certainly not least, Madeline and my niece Ansley made a profession of their faith in Jesus Christ by publicly being baptized. Praise the Lord!