A Love Letter {and a spoonful of honesty}

Dearest Madeline,

I'd imagine it's hard being a guinea pig. A guinea pig to a very young momma just barely out of high school. Fortunately even though I didn't have a clue neither did you. It was suggested to me to put you up for adoption or to even abort you, but what a more than incredible blessing I would have missed out on. I had big (different) plans for my life, but God had better plans for me in you. Because of you I'm blessed with a husband that means more to me than words, a job that I love, and three sweet precious baby girls. For it was because of you that your daddy and I stayed together, grew up (quickly) together, and formed an incredible relationship through the trials of teen parenting. It was because of you that I decided to go into nursing instead of interior design. This was after a less then stellar experience at the health department the day I found out I was pregnant with you. And oh how I love nursing! For it was because of you that your daddy and I stayed together that we were blessed with two more beautiful girls. You have no idea what a blessing it will be to watch your two sisters look up to you and you teach them endlessly. You're such a little momma. I couldn't ask for a better big sister for Brynn and Eden.
I can't even begin to describe the emotion swelling in me while I share these thoughts. My mind goes in a hundred different directions thinking about how you've positively impacted my life. So many people would comment to me and say how amazing they thought I was for dropping you off at six days old to start my first day of college and finishing my BSN in four years. I couldn't do any of that without God, your daddy, and our family. We are blessed beyond measure sweet girl.
When you were a baby, I won't lie, I got very frustrated with not being able to be an average 18 year old (not that I would have been if I didn't have you). I learned so much about who I was, and who I wanted to be. In other words, by you I was humbled, inspired, and schooled in life. Your continuous thoughtfulness for others has never ceased to amaze me, and has made me strive to be like you in this way. Please don't ever lose this beautiful trait. Your ability to let things go and roll off your back blows me away, I try my best to mimic this but I'm not exactly successful. This can be to your advantage as you grow older for sure. Your patience with me, and others is appreciated more than you know. How do you do it?
Madeline, I pray all these and many more of your wonderful attributes are kept for a lifetime.
Madeline I pray you continue to learn more about and love our God everyday. God's mighty plan in you doesn't end in how you affected my life and so many others around us already.
Your prayers from the time you could pray on your own have always been those of deep thought and adoration for the wonderful God we serve, don't change this. Sometimes you'll feel like you're far away from God, but I will remind you he's ALWAYS there and ALWAYS loves you. What a mighty God we serve.
As you grow older you will face many challenges and heart aches. Your heart will be broken by a boy and probably more than once, keep your head up. If he felt you weren't special enough then it's by far his loss. You'll experience betrayal, I know it hurts. You'll be tempted, stand strong. You'll make wrong decisions, learn from them. You'll have failures, try again. Always do what you know is right, and stand up for what you believe in. Be who you want to be, and do what you want to do. Don't let anyone stop you, even though that might be me. Always respect those around you. You never know what somebody might be going through, and just exactly why they do what they do. For some reason I feel these are things I probably don't need to tell you, but as your momma I'll probably do this a lot. I have high expectations for you, but don't ever be afraid if you let me down or feel as if you've disappointed me. I know my mom felt that way the day I shared the news of your soon arrival, but like any good mother would she loved me anyway. I'll love you anyway. No matter what!
Your daddy loves you very much. You butt heads like brother and sister, and I believe it's because you're so much alike. You're his first princess. He's got a lot to learn about raising little girls, but he'll figure it out. He had a full ride available to play football in college, but wouldn't in a million years leave me with you to do so. You might say football is his first love, but deep down inside it's ALL his girls.
Sometimes I don't quite understand you. You enjoy being different and could care less what other people think. You can't stand to be laughed at even when you're being funny. In fact, nearly everything you say is hilarious, so I try to hide my bursting laughter inside. You don't have a competitive bone in your body, nor care a lick about sports. Right now you're a typical nine year old that is probably far less annoying than I was at your age, but you definitely rattle my nerves. Again, I appreciate your patience as you're my guinea pig for parenting. I am learning to let you be who you are, enjoy your childhood, and live carefree.
One day I pray you're blessed with an incredible God fearing husband. Don't you dare settle for anything less. With marriages failing at an alarming rate these days I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt it's because God wasn't the center of it. Being a child of a divorced home there's nothing more heart breaking, and I never ever ever ever want you to experience this. Your daddy is kind, patient (thank the Lord), and would do anything for me. I won't allow you to marry anyone less than that.
Dearest baby girl I want you to know how proud I am of you, and how much I love you! I don't say it as often as I should I'm sure, but it's true. Some might say this is a letter of what I and your daddy missed out on because of you, but I hope you feel it's quite the opposite. This is a letter of what you saved us from, and how fortunate I was for making a perfect mistake with blessings beyond measure. One day I'll share this letter with you, but I hope it won't take this letter for you to know how much you are loved.